The Growing List of Morons

It's definitely been a long time since I blogged anything, but with the new year comes new goals and one of mine is to write more. I make this resolution very often, though lately I've let work and sheer exhaustion keep me from acting on it.

Anyway, the topic today can be summed up by one word: Morons. Einstein once said, "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." And over the last few weeks it seems that the morons of the world have been working extra hard to prove Old Al correct. It is my honor, therefore, to present to you: The Growing List of Morons.

1) The Underwear Bomber

This man earns a place on this list for one reason: He made the choice to light his own underwear on fire. Of course, he was trying to bring down a transatlantic flight in the process, but nevertheless, the choice to have explosives sewn into his underwear seems to me to be a demonstration of a sever lack of forethought.

I mean, this guy could conceivably had his powders sewn or placed into anything (his shirt, his coat, his shoes), but for some reason I'll never understand he chose to go with underwear. Now maybe it's just because I'm not a fanatic terrorist, but I can't really understand why anyone would want to spent their last few moments on Earth with their genitals on fire.

And then, as if the Universe decided to make an example of this man, he failed. He set his underwear on fire and the only thing that happened was that he burned himself horribly. Bravo, Universe!

2) The TSA

TSA stands for Transportation Security Administration, though you would never know that if you've been reading the news lately or have ever been anywhere near an airport. Instead, TSA should stand for "Tragically Stupid Asshats." When it comes to protecting America's transportation system, the TSA is to security what an atomic bomb is to peace: completely and utterly counterproductive.

It all started Christmas Day, when the Underwear Bomber lit his lower body parts on fire. Not only did Transportation Officials have the genius on a no-fly list, but the man's own Father contacted US Officials to say "MY SON IS A TERRORIST!" And still, he managed to board a plane...with explosives in his pants.

But this shitstorm wasn't over. It continued around a week later, when a report came out detailing TSA's failure to notify anyone of the fact that three of their bomb-sniffing dogs had recently failed recertification tests. The real kicker? The dogs were still being used as an active component in airport security. That's strike 2.

Things were starting to quiet down a little, but the TSA just couldn't restrain itself from messing up again. Last night a man boarded a Dallas-bound flight out of Milwaukee while carrying live shotgun shells. Good thing this man was not a criminal, or terrorist, and had the decency to inform the TSA.

Ok. Wait. What? Let's review. Mr. Dallas goes through security, with live ammunition somewhere on him (maybe in his underwear?) and nothing happens. He walks onto the plane, with live ammunition, and nothing happens. And then the man carrying the bullets is the one who makes the discovery himself and tells the TSA what they should have realized much earlier.

The best part of this story is a statement given by TSA spokesperson, Jim Fotenos.

According to Mr. Fotenos, "The passenger was interviewed and rescreened with negative findings." Well, here's the problem, Jim. The passenger was screened the first time WITH BULLETS IN HIS POCKETS and there were negative findings. So how does rescreening him and again finding nothing make this any better?

It really wasn't a good day for the TSA because yet another man on a no-fly list managed to sneak past their force of stalwart defenders. This time, instead of explosives or bullets, the man was carrying TUBERCULOSIS.

But the TSA says you shouldn't worry, because the flight was only 6 hours long and apparently sitting next to a man with Tuberculosis for 6 effing hours without much circulating air, doesn't expose you to infection.

So thanks to the TSA we have explosives, shotgun shells, and TB flying through the skies. Oh, and dogs who don't care.

3) Harry Reid

I'm going to assume everyone knows what Mr. Reid did to earn a place on this list. If you don't, kindly google it, because I don't plan to reproduce his comments here.

I feel like politics has been an institution for such a long time that by now there should just be an innate, collective knowledge that it is not a good idea to spout racially charged nonsense. Especially if you're a rich white man.

4) Rod Blagojevich

Now this story hasn't really received much attention, in part because of Harry Reid. But don't worry, Rod! I'm here to give you the credit you deserve.

Basically, Rod is the epitome of a moron. Go wikipedia him or something and read about the stunts he pulled as he was leaving office.

Now if I had avoided major jail time, I would keep my mouth shut and go about my business happy that I didn't belong to a man named Crusher. But not Rod! He's not content to go quietly into the night.

During an interview with Esquire Magazine, Rod decided to announce to the world that he is "blacker than Obama." When someone inevitably pointed out how painfully stupid he is, Rod responded by claiming he was "speaking metaphorically" and ranted about how he was frustrated that Obama hasn't delivered on the change he promised.

First, no. That doesn't even make sense.

Second, Rod didn't rant to Esquire about healtcare or the economy. He detailed the circumstances of his childhood with statements such as, "I shined shoes" and "I grew up in a five room apartment."

What a succinct expression of political frustration.

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So there it is. The first installement of The Growing List of Morons. It's really a wonder this planet has survived as long as it has.

So Say We All

After 4 seasons and as many years, Battlestar Galactica comes to an end tonight with a two hour series finale. I don't usually contemplate the end of a television show that much, but there's something about BSG that makes it unique. I mean, I loved my Stargate, but when SG1 and Atlantis ended it seemed like just another day.

Battlestar is different, more real. The characters are human, flawed and frakked up just like the rest of us. They're heros, but they're real. And the show has always focused more on their flaws than their heroism. BSG threw people into the worst situation and showed us what could happen. Sure, there's space ships and cylons, but none of that makes BSG what it is. From day one, it has always been the people, the drama of their struggle, the pain of their situation, and the hope for their survival, that made this show something special.

So tonight we big farewell to the people and the ship that we've loved for the last 4 years. It's truly been a pleasure watching.

So say we all.

"It was her dream job"

First, go and read this. http://www.nypost.com/seven/01282009/news/regionalnews/manhattan/hot_babe_hopes_to_rack_up_152348.htm

Now, a few things. 1) I find this article to be a perfect example of why the New York Post is a crap newspaper. First we have the title. "Hot Babe Hopes to 'Rack Up.'" Wow. They managed to write a crappy, discriminatory title while also fitting a pun about her boobs into it. Second, that's particularly ironic given that the article is about "discrimination." So she doesn't like being told she's too ghetto, but she has no problem being referred to only as a "hot babe" by the press.

2) This paragraph is particular is absolutely ridiculous. "Besides, it had been her dream, she says, to carry plates of the restaurant's signature crispy-chicken lollipops and hung beef while wearing a bikini and sarong." Really? Is a judge really going to buy that?

The article goes on to say, in more brilliantly written prose that "she is now reduced to working at a bikini bar in the Westchester town of Ossining." She's been reduced to that. Because working in an equally seedy bikini restaurant isn't being reduced at all. Nope.

3) Finally, it reports that "she's seeking $500 a day - or $130,000 a year - for every year she could reasonably be expected to have worked there, plus punitive damages that could total more than million dollars." What?! So she's seeking a 6 figure salary from this place for the rest of her life.

Maybe I should stop wasting time at school and try to hit this place up for some cash.

Let's Throw This Woman Off a Mountain

First, read this.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-daycare-follow-19-jan19,0,1092450.story

This story is absolutely heartbreaking. Anyone who has ever seen a baby or lived knows how adorable and fragile they are. And it really pisses me off, in a way few things do, when someone decides to abuse such a fragile creature. I mean, this woman is entrusted with the welfare of other people's children and how does she act? She kills a child for crying and completely devastates a family.

This is the kind of story that really makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with people. At the same time, I think it's a great example of why our justice system should be creative in the way it makes people pay for their crimes.

This one, for example, shouldn't go to jail. No. She should be taken to the top of a two story building and dropped on her head. Repeatedly.

To the Annoying Woman Across From Me

Dear Lady,

I have three questions for you. 1) Are you in a public space? Yes. 2) Are there other people around you also in said space trying to study/get work done? Yes. 3) Are you playing music from your computer at an obnoxiously loud volume? Why yes you are!

Please turn it off before I lose my patience and A) either retaliate with my own music or B) jettison your computer from the second floor balcony.

Thanks!

DEXTER

Probably one of the best shows on television. The first season was masterfully well done. That finale was as unexpected as it was shocking. I knew there was something more going on, but I never guessed things would go down the way they did.

I won't give away any details so I'll just say this. WATCH DEXTER. You won't regret that you did.

Wonderwoman

When I get to work on Friday morning the very first thing I do is log into all of the computers, open the doors, turn on the lights, and get the library otherwise prepared to deal with the knowledge-hungry hordes of undergrads, grads, and professors who frequent Fung Library. And every single time, without fail, one of the computers (usually one behind the Circulation Desk where I sit) refuses to log me in. It's always the same computer. The second one, next to the printer. Every time, I type the password into the login module correctly and every Friday morning it screws with me.

Today was no different. I tried every possible combination of caps+no caps and very certainly entered the correct combination at least a half dozen times. Then it locked me out of the system. So there it sits, mocking me. 20 minutes until the password resets. Then it's round 2.